I have a confession. I am imperfect…like SUPER imperfect. I have weaknesses, and those weaknesses sometimes lead me to mess up. I am going to share something I learned (or had to re-learn) today.
These past few weeks, I have not been living my life the best way I could. It was nothing too crazy or malignant, I didn’t put myself in too much danger…or so I thought. I could still feel the spirit when I read scriptures and prayed, etc. but I was basically allowing myself to experience two polar opposite emotions and spiritual thoughts all in one day when I entertained things that weren’t exactly uplifting and positive. I found myself bouncing back and forth between the line of good and ‘not-so-good.’ It made me feel this odd, slight distance in my recent relationship with Heavenly Father. It honestly was affecting my happiness as well, just felt slightly less upbeat and cheerful.
Fast forward to last night, I had this very, very vivid dream. I should mention that I often receive a lot of answers to my prayers through dreams, it is one of the methods Heavenly Father uses to communicate with me in a way that I understand. Not all of my dreams are from Heavenly Father of course, but this one definitely was. We were at Universal Studios/some church bus tour…don’t judge me, it was one of those weird dream locations, you know? We got to this body of water and it is filled with crocodiles. FILLED! For some reason, we had to drive through it to get home. Some crocodiles followed us home, terrorized us, and hid under our bed all while we are trying everything in our power to get them to leave. (Again, it was in weird dream world where this all seemed logical). Another thing I should mention is that I LOVE scary animals, especially crocodiles and sharks. I am an alligator/crocodile expert. I have loved crocodiles/alligators since I was a little girl. In fact, here is a picture of me on Halloween trick-or-treating with my friends who dressed as princesses while I dressed like…you guessed it, an alligator! (I think it was technically a dragon costume…because what normal kid wants to dress up like an alligator for Halloween?!)
Anyway, in the dream I kept calling them crocodiles and if anyone ever referred to them as alligators I would correct them (the problem with that is the fact that crocodiles don’t live in North America…so when I woke up I was like “what the heck, why would I be so adamant about that when I was actually wrong?” #NerdAlert #SorryNotSorry). Nonetheless, the dream was all scary and vivid and we eventually got them out of the house before I woke up. I woke up thinking about it. I know that dreams are usually messages from your own sub-conscious, so I almost always research the meaning behind them to know what my body is trying to tell me.I looked up the meaning behind crocodiles and it said this:
“forewarns of hidden danger. Someone/something near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. Because crocodiles can live in water and on land, they also represent your conscious and subconscious and the emotional and rational. Perhaps something is coming to the surface and you are on the verge of some new awareness.”
I was immediately reminded of the “spiritual crocodiles” Mormon youth message that was popular when I was a teenager. I believe that’s why I was so persistent about making sure everyone in my dream knew that they were crocodiles, not alligators. God needed to make sure I got His message. If you need a refresher of the story, I will summarize. Even better though, here is the link to watch it yourself!
It comes from a talk by Boyd K. Packer warning the youth of the church against “spiritual crocodiles” or things that can “maul” or eat away our spirit, our testimony, our relationship with God, or our happiness. These ‘crocodiles’ are everywhere. He said that during his time in Africa, there was not a single body of water without a crocodile in or near it–whether seen or unseen–preying on innocent, unsuspecting animals and even humans. He warns the youth by stating, “Those ahead of you in life have probed about the water holes a bit and raise a voice of warning about crocodiles. Not just the big, gray lizards that can bite you to pieces, but spiritual crocodiles, infinitely more dangerous, and more deceptive and less visible, even, than those well-camouflaged reptiles of Africa. These spiritual crocodiles can kill or mutilate your souls. They can destroy your peace of mind and the peace of mind of those who love you. Those are the ones to be warned against, and there is hardly a watering place in all of mortality now that is not infested with them.”
I know it was Heavenly Father telling me to get my act together and beware of spiritual crocodiles. I physically felt God tell me, “I love you and I miss you. Please close this gap between us, stop playing with the spiritual crocodiles.” I am so grateful to have received that reminder from my Heavenly Father. The metaphor of spiritual crocodiles can be applied to several things, there are crocodiles who can destroy our happiness and mental health as well. It is so important to remember that we do not have to go in the water. We have the choice to stay on land. We have the choice to be happy, to seek help and advice when we need it. We also, unlike an experience with actual crocodiles, have the choice to get out of the water and fix everything, even if we have already been attacked.
I really felt like I needed to share this with you guys. Thank you so much for all your support and love. Remember how important and loved you are by our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. If Heavenly Father was willing to make sure I was as close to Him as I possibly could be and remind me of his tremendous and priceless love for me…He feels the same way about you. Do not forget why you are here, who’s hands you’re in, and how much He loves you. It is indescribable. Regardless of how close you’ve come to the crocodiles, or even how many times or how severely you have been bitten. It is never too late. God’s love is never ending and unconditional.