And at last I see the light…

This was taken the night we found out we were expecting 🤰! We made this shirt and ran over to all three sets of parents to make the announcement immediately. We are so thrilled for obvious reasons (BABY…duh!👶) but there is a lot more to those smiles than meets the eye. When we first got married, we wanted to wait to start a family and therefore weren’t trying. However, two months later—on our honeymoon 🏖 to be exact—something happened. I started experiencing interesting symptoms and I was about 10 DAYS LATE! 😬 On our first day in Florida I took the very first pregnancy test I had ever taken. I didn’t read the instructions because I thought “is there a wrong way to pee on a stick?” Turns out, yes there is. The test came up “invalid,” which I assumed (BECAUSE I DIDN’T READ THE DIRECTIONS) meant I wasn’t pregnant 🍼. We continued our trip despite these continued symptoms. Eventually, I started what I thought was my cycle, but it was very different and a little concerning. To avoid spoiling the honeymoon, I waited until we got home to see the doctor. Since I had waited so long to be tested by the doctor, they couldn’t officially confirm for sure but they believed that an early miscarriage was a likely explanation for my symptoms. We were shocked 😳 and confused 🤷‍♀️. After praying about it, we felt it was time to start trying. This was January 2016. We were excited to start this new chapter and hopefully soon receive great news. It really seemed promising. I started getting nauseous all the time, exhausted constantly, couldn’t keep anything down…textbook pregnancy symptoms. But I wasn’t pregnant. I was sick. 🤢 VERY SICK. It was a time of major darkness, sadness, confusion. Not only did we wonder if I would ever be healthy enough to take care of a baby or even get pregnant, sometimes we even wondered if I would live to see the next few months. We looked into adoption and foster care, but nothing felt right yet and being sick would still be an issue even with those options. We decided to put our trust in God and His timing. If it was meant to be, it would be…in God’s time. After 2.5 years of awful pain and anguish, doctors, hospitals, tests, procedures, restless nights, and a chemical pregnancy (basically another miscarriage, google it if you want)…my illnesses finally started getting a little better. And better, and better. Then summer of 2018 rolled around. I went to the doctor and he said it was time for Dalyn and I to be tested for fertility issues. We reluctantly agreed. We wanted answers but figured the answers wouldn’t be great. We were starting to think that maybe we were meant to be one of those couples who never has kids. We had to wait until my next cycle started for my fertility test so we were just waiting patiently for that. Instead, I was experiencing what I thought was a flare up. I was nauseous, exhausted, emotional…textbook flare symptoms. I was talking to my mother-in-law about it and I found her demeanor to be very odd this time.❓She kept asking strangely specific questions that night like, “are you able to sit in the hot tub 🛁 with us tonight?,” “why do you think you’re so tired 💤 recently?,” “next time you go to Disneyland, will you be able to ride all the rides?”🎢 I could tell it was her sneaky, more polite way of asking me if I was pregnant. Recently I asked her about it and she said she could “just tell.” I was supposed to start my cycle that day so while it was possible, I was sure it was not the case. On the drive home from that family get-together though, I told Dalyn, “I swear your mom thinks I’m pregnant..” then I jokingly said, “maybe she’s right, should I take a test?” 🤣 He laughed but insisted that we don’t get our hopes up and wait for my cycle to start. Then I said, “nahh, I’m gonna take a test.” So when we got home, I peed on another stick—the correct way this time (I had taken a lot more tests by this point so I was a pro but I still read the directions EVERY TIME). We kept talking while waiting for the allotted time to pass and completely expected the usual negative result. I randomly glanced down and saw two very prominent pink lines. That couldn’t be right. Long story short, I took about four more tests from several different brands. All read “positive.” ➕ No more tests, doctors, procedures needed…not for this at least. Fast forward 🔜 to today: I am almost 34 weeks along which means we will be meeting our sweet boy 👦 in about 6-7ish weeks. He is healthy and strong. 💪 My pregnancy is considered ‘extremely low-risk’ and my chronic illness 🤒 symptoms are almost completely gone (“almost” is the key word here, but I’ll take it!). I like to think about this in relation to when Joseph Smith was praying in the Sacred Grove. 🌳 Just before God showed up, there was intense darkness and he was seized upon by the adversary in a way that was literally incapacitating. He wrote that he was about to give up his soul to “eternal despair,” similar to how we thought we might not ever have a normal life or have kids…that’s when God shows up with the light. We all know how it feels to spend what feels like eternity in dark times. BUT! The light ALWAYS. COMES. It really does. Whether it takes a few moments, days, or even years…God always brings the light. That doesn’t mean darkness won’t come back or that it won’t be extremely difficult. However, the light always comes in the end. Just keep trusting. Keep going. Trust in God. Literal “POSITIVE”-ity ➕ is coming, even if (like us) you got exactly what you hoped and dreamed for…or if you got positive blessings that were not in your original plan (for us, that probably would have been adoption/foster care/etc.). Heavenly Father is there and has a perfect plan. I promise! Don’t believe me? Ask Him yourself. 💕

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